Cherry Blossom

Theres a reason why I chose cherry blossoms as the background picture of this blog. They represent beauty and the fragility of life.

I like that.
The fragile beauty of life.

Because life is fleeting, time is constantly moving and theres always a certain unsureness about the future.
Sure, we can predict the future with some accuracy. But then there are things that can just sideswipe all plans.

Unaccounted events, that in an egocentric way, you don’t think will ever happen to you.
Like death, disease, redundancy or mother nature.

The fragile beauty of life.
Its funny because thats the very thing my husband and I are trying to create.
We want to have a baby. A fragile, beautiful life that will rely soley on us to provide, care and nourish it.
A fragile beauty that will forever impact our lives.

But there is so much uncertainty around whether this will ever happen for us.
If this next round of treatment (when it happens, hopefully in July, after my wisdom are removed and healed) doesn’t work then we will find ourselves back in the place of ‘now what?!’
There will be meetings with the doctor and discussions over what paths we could take next.
Most will involve some form of injecting myself. Which I can assure you, I am NOT looking forward too. So feeling just a little more hopeful that this next round works, and sticks.

There is a lot of unknown at the moment. And I find that frustrating as I love to make plans. And lists. And lists of plans. I love to be organised, on time, ready to go. (My husband, on the other hand, does not.)

But this is something that I cannot organise or plan for. My body does what it does, when it wants. And I have no control over this. I can’t heal my body. I can’t physically control my crazy, ‘abnormal’ cycles. I’m doing the little I know how because doing something has to be better than sitting here feeling sorry for myself. A pity party for one isn’t much of a party. I’m believing that as I do the little I know how God will step in and work a miracle.

Over this ‘break time’ I am learning to let go. I am learning to trust God. To trust him in his plans for us, to trust him to heal my body and my sorrowful heart. I am learning to praise God because He is worthy. My faith is building and my hope is growing. I’m trying to get into a place that no matter the outcome I will remain positive. I am learning to enjoy the now, the very present.

Because life is fragile, and uncertain, a lot like our future right now.
And I’m learning to see that
there is a beauty to it.

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