Grant and I have decided to take this month “off” and by that I mean we will not be taking the medication prescribed to help us get pregnant. We will not be actively trying to get pregnant. We had decided this before our friends obediently offered to pay for our next round of treatment. We have decided that, depending on when my next cycle falls, we will take them up on this offer, but for now we are taking a break.
There are a few reasons for this, the first and most important one being that I have to have some wisdom teeth taken out in two weeks. We were advised to stop trying by the surgeon as some of the medicine they will be using could impact me and any potential babies negatively. We were already considering taking this month off before my appointment with the oral surgeon as we felt a ‘break’ could be nice.
Although its hard to take a break from something that can be quite consuming.
But, it is nice for the pressure to be off.
I have been enjoying being able to eat what I like guilt free. As when we are trying I do try and cut out foods that I know don’t help things along and can cause cysts.
I have been enjoying spending quality time with my husband, just because (and not because things need to happen in the bedroom. Grant and I have always tried really hard to ensure that our bedroom life doesn’t become mechanical and goal orientated or scripted by the calendar date and my cycle. And I think we’ve really stayed true to that. But its nice to know that, right now, making a baby isn’t the goal.)
I’m also viewing it as a time to get myself refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to go again. As I’ve mentioned before, there is a cost to being infertile. Finding out you’re not pregnant again and again hits hard because there is very little I can do about it.
So I’m using this time to get positive, hopeful, faith-filled and strong for this journey that’s ahead.
My revelation today is that strong doesn’t mean hard hearted. Strong and independent doesn’t mean that I do all things in my own strength, to force or strive for things to happen, to become independent, doing everything myself, in my own strength and ability. But rather, I rely on God in a way that causes me to have a supernatural strength, from which joy streams from. There is a freedom in relying on God and this freedom becomes a strength in Christ. He will be my hope, my joy, my strength.