Love. God is love. God. Is. Love.
In Max Lucado’s Come Thirsty he talks of Christ’s love for us. He loves me. Despite what I think. Despite what I do. Or don’t do. Despite my disobedience, complacency, lies, attitude, selfishness…the endlessness of my failures and fears. He loves me. He doesn’t love me more if I pray without ceasing, if I read my bible for ten hours a day, and he doesn’t love me less if I don’t. His love is not based on what I do.
If I believe this, I have created a religion, not a relationship. I have created a rule. I have limited God in how he loves. Praying and reading the bible is not a chore. It should not be something that we do. It should not be like the expectation that you must visit your sick grandmother in hospital or turn up to a birthday party with a present – things you do without question because that’s what you do, and that’s what is expected of you. This is not a relationship with God. This is not love. This is not God. His love is not based on how long I read or pray.
There is never a day, not one single day where I am not loved by my God. God knows all. All my thoughts, dreams, attitudes, words, deeds, actions. He knows it all. Yet he still loves me. He knows all my thought, dreams, attitudes, words, deeds and actions to come. Yet he still loves me. Deeply. It never waivers.
The depth of his love can not be contained nor described, the volume cannot be measured or defined. He loves me. He loves me not because of my smile, my laugh…such is human love. We love each other because of characteristics, personalities, actions and deeds. These things warm our hearts to one another. And it is fickle, here today, gone tomorrow. It takes hard work to continually love someone. Because it is based on deeds and characteristics. And we are fickle. We are inconsistent. Not so with God. He loves me because he has decided to love me. Because he created me.
I don’t think I will ever fully understand Gods love for me. Maybe I will understand this better when I have a child of my own. If I know that God loves me. Always. No matter what, shouldn’t this knowledge change the way I live, the way I view myself, the way I view the world, this city, this nation?
If I know that God is love, that God loves me.
How would I be different?
How would my faith be different? How would my hope be different?
I choose to believe that God, in his unending love for me, knows what is best for me and works all things for good.
Therefore I must view my infertility differently. God is working everything out. This journey I am on has a purpose. Whether I ever bear a child or not, I choose to believe that God loves me and knows what is best for me. If he doesn’t bless me with children then I will still praise him. Because he is worthy to be praised.
I know that God hears my prayers and in his perfect timing will answer them. God can only act in love, and if he answers my prayers with a “no” then I will trust in Him and his love for me.
Will it be hard if the answer is no? Yes.
But I am determined to have faith in God regardless. I will trust in his great love for me.