At times I’ve found it difficult to trust.
I like to be in control.
I’d like to be able to speed up that very certain future.
Because I’m sure of what is best for me.
And what I want.
And who I am.
And where I’m going and,
And I don’t want to mess it up and people are watching and talking and I have to keep up, actually I have to be on top and,
let go let go let go let God…..
But I like to be in control. And I’ve been trying to control things.
I’ve been eating the ‘right’ foods, and exercising the ‘right way’ and trying many different theories and potions and motions.
All in vain.
And I’m tired.
I’m tired of trying to do it myself.
I’m just not strong enough.
I’ve spent too much time worrying about things I can’t control. I’ve wasted too much energy on things that don’t matter. But slowly, I am learning, to TRUST. To trust in God…
God, protect my heart and my soul from getting wounded in this Lord. God. Do you know the weight of all this that I carry? Some days it feels like freedom, and others, like a burden. Are those the days that I don’t give it all to you? It seems too hard. To hard to change mindsets, and habits and attitudes. It seems as if everything needs repair or upgrading Lord. I don’t know if I have the strength today Lord. Will you be my strength? Will you be my hope? Will you be my joy?